Bikes hate me

I know it's been a while. I've been busy wallowing in self pity and hatred of work and life. I do believe I have turned a corner and I am happy to say this was not a very long episode. Don't get me wrong I would still rather have all of my self diagnosed diseases, including the new Ebola diagnoses, at the same time than go to my office. Add a little gangrene in there and I think it would be perfect. The bills have to be paid so I have to work, but I am not going to let it get to me until the next time it gets to me. At least I'm not delusional about that. To be honest when I started training again is when I started to turn the corner. Exercise is an amazing depression killer, at least for me. It just takes a while to get out of bed sometimes. HA HA

Happy, happy, back to training! Happy, happy back to ridiculous shit happening to me!

I titled this blog post as "Bikes Hate Me" because I believe the devil has a pact with Huffy to kill me. A few months ago I was running around the bay, just clip, clapping
along like I normally do when I heard a grunt behind me. Next I know, there are handle bars between my waist, a bike pedal (literally) in my calf and something hit me in the ass. O.k. Wait- read this again and then imagine what it looks like. It felt like I was hit from behind by a Mac Truck! Only, not a truck... 7 year old girl with a new bike that can't use her brakes yet. The thing that hit my butt was her helmet protected head. Remember, I was running so I almost fell down because I got caught up in the spokes of her bike with one leg and my other leg had her pedal stuck in it. I swear to God I couldn't believe it.... I still can't believe it. So, her straight out of Lakeside Dad, complete with missing teeth and Rascal Flats T-shirt turned his bike around and looked at me and mumbled sorry. Her Mom caught up to us and started to comfort her daughter (the devil) and didn't say anything to me. I pulled her bike out of my leg and hastily decided to use the adrenaline rush to my favor and start running again. Good training for possible racing injuries, no chance of getting any diseases, the bike was brand new, no rust. Very mad running. Bleeding. I deserved a crown!

I ran for about ten minutes and I kid you not the parents had the nerve to ride past me with the little devil. If this were my child I would have stopped riding bikes, ran to the car and gotten the hell out of dodge. But NOOOOOOOOOOO, they had to ride past me all happy while my leg was bleeding all over the sidewalk. The little devil even had a No Fear license plate on the back of her bike! RUDE!

As I'm contemplating my next move the little girl almost takes out two other runners. Now I was really getting upset. So while the parents were talking to the child I happened to run past. I stopped looked at the family and said
" You should really have your child in a bicycle safety class. They offer classes at R.E.I., it is on Convoy."

The Mom got all crazy eyes on me and started yelling " She's only had her bike for five hours....."
Wait.... is that supposed to make me feel better about the bike accident? Looking back I feel bad for the girl. Her parents are retards and she'll likely never get back on a bike. My leg was pretty bloody and they past me twice after the accident. So being the bigger person. I gave the Mom a disapproving, I am so much better than you are look and started running.
- Heres the part of the story I'm not so proud of and most of you know me well enough to not believe this for a second, but please believe the following did happen. Prologue: My gift to myself for my thirtieth birthday was this " I will no longer let anyone walk all over me. I will not be afraid to tell people that!" (hence the work issues) My gift has really worked out for me, not so good for others. OK back to the story-

So I'm running angrier than ever and they pass me again! YES AGAIN! The Mom says something really snotty to me (I don't know what it was). So I waited until the kid got far enough away, ran up to the Mom and said " Why don't you go and F*** yourself!"
I started running so fast I could believe how fast I made it home.

A few weeks have past and I have a lovely scar on my leg the size of a snausage, yes the dog treat. Wen I see it I do the "Snausages!" jingle in my head. I can no longer run for Miss America because of me scarred up legs but, but I'm coming to terms with it.

I just proof read this and realized how long it is. Stay tuned for bikes hate me part two. It's way better than this as it was a self-inflicted injury. With my own bike- my precious.

Mothers Day

Mothers Day

I've been having pill issues and I've had to change my brand. However, we had to wait a whole month before I could start the other prescription. This put Brandon and I into what I like to refer to as the "Scare Zone".
* My horoscope said I would get pregnant this month if I wanted to, nice to know.
* A client specifically called to let me know I am "Getting thick" and "full in the face" and wanted to know when my "little one" would be arriving.
* The very next day another client called to ask me when I was going to have a baby.
* A month prior a woman at a party asked me when I was due.
The universe is telling me something. However, it is time for everyone to calm down. With all of this "thick" talk I have started to become borderline- eating disorder-girl. OK, I take that back, I've always been borderline- eating disorder- girl, but now I really mean it! Scare Zone really started to get freaky when my monthly friend didn't show up on time.
Three days later, no friend.
NO FRIEND!!! CRAP! Lets just say I'm not above playing a game called "It's just the tip" so we're in trouble...
I started to think to myself, if this is whats going to happen, better accept it and be happy.
Yeah, Happy! Happy me!
I google : Pregnancy and Marathons (believe it or not, it's o.k.)
What to expect when your expecting ( Apparently I'm five weeks pregnant based on my last period.)
Chinese gender calendar (I'm having a girl. Scientifically based on my age and month of conception. Also good to know)
I even take an online test regarding my current symptoms and I have a 40% chance of being pregnant. (Good enough for me. You would think the 40% would have tipped me off, but I was crazed.)

I really was convinced I was pregnant and to my surprise, I was happy. Elated even. It felt good. I even thought to myself " I feel great, I'm going to be one of those people who feels great during pregnancy." I love feeling great, pregnant me. I even plotted on the calendar all of the trips we are taking this year and there was no interference. No problems. We will just buy a house and start our family. Plans change and it is ok. I start to cry a little because I'm so excited about "our family" "Our baby" "Our happy new life"
Did I just feel a kick? A little kick, sweet delighted little baby in my belly, kicking me at work. How much happier can I be?
I bought a pregnancy test, just to certify what I already know..........

Not pregnant....

Must be broken. Drink a coke, take another test...

NOT PREGNANT!

I start to cry. Brandon was in San Francisco at a meeting all day and wouldn't be home until later. I don't know why I was so overwhelmed so quickly. We are in no position to have a baby.
I have never fallen in love so quickly, been so protective so quickly, felt so important so quickly. So happy.
For six whole hours I was a mama and it felt great....
I told Brandon I was being so silly as I sobbed about the days events.
"Your not silly."
Happy Mothers Day.
Please stop asking if I'm pregnant, it's starting to break my heart.

Triathalon training part 1

I have decided to start to train for a triathlon. I know your thinking: My god why? Well, it is because I have not embarrassed myself enough in San Diego and I have found a new opportunity to do so. Why not? Lets remember who we are dealing with here. It's still me. I still go to bed thinking I'm going to be an overnight sensation in everything. Makes for fantastic dreams and a bizarre reality.

I bought a used bike from a girlfriend at work. She gave me a great deal on it and I love, love, love it as if it were from my womb. It is a Giant compact aluminum frame with a carbon fork and Uletegra components. Translation: So F'in cool! I call it: my precious.

I have also started swimming which I really love and I actually got a lesson from a for real pro swimmer (Lizard). Thank you! I feel like I am doing well after her coaching. I am a member of the local Jewish Community Center, which has a great pool. When speaking with the "new memberships" girl, I whispered to her "I'm not Jewish." She said "We'll still let you in, we don't persecute based on religion." Sincerely took me a minute to grasp what she was saying.

I went to buy a bathing suit for swimming with a purpose. I put with a purpose because I have plenty of bathing suits but their only purpose is to be worn underneath my clothing or when drunk, by themselves. If I am drunk and I start to disrobe, save yourself. I repeat save yourself and pray I remembered the bathing suit. If you have ever seen a racing suit it has absolutely no support built in. Bad news for Sara. I thought however this wouldn't be an issue for me (remember delusional). I struggled to get it on number one, number two my boobs were smashed down against my belly button. I looked nine months pregnant. I swear to god. I can't even make this up. It was the first time I was flat chested and had a beer gut! It was suggested that I wear a sports bra or just a plain bra underneath my racing suit and I almost burst into tears. I REFUSE! People would talk about me mercilessly. I believe the words "she's special" might even be used if I wear a bra under my bathing suit. Can you even imagine a giant Playex 18 hour, wet? No way.

I started this week by riding my bike to and home from work. It is a very nice gradual uphill to work and downhill home. Remember I'm used to a tank beach cruiser to run errands with on the weekends and I foolishly tried to run to blockbuster with my road bike. NO GOOD. No basket. I had to stick the movie under my boob. Third hand. I won't name names, but some of you know what I'm talking about. If you need a pen and there is nothing in my hands and one suddenly appears. Ask yourself the question, am I comfortable with Sara's boob sweat? I told a girl at work I tried to run to blockbuster and the movie and blah, blah... she looked at me oddly and said, "I've never heard of that before" Naturally I think shes talking about riding the bike around town and not for training. The next time I saw her she looked at me oddly and it dawned on me that she must be freaked I stuck a movie in my boob for safe keeping. They don't do tricks guys, but sometimes you need an extra hand and there it is. Attached to my body. They can't perform surgery or do a jig but they hold things just fine.
Anyway, so I've been riding to work and it's really fun. I put my suit and all of my junk for the day in a messenger bag and go. I have to leave at 5:30 am to get there in enough time to clean up, but it's worth it.
I am scared of the cars in the morning. I never pay attention when I'm in my car. To combat crazy drivers I stuck a big button my my bag that proudly states:

I HEART BEING AWESOME

You can't hit someone that hearts being awesome. Period. A nice boy yelled something out if his car window today, I can only assume he was agreeing with my cool button.

I'm sure there will be more to talk about later.................