Mothers Day

Mothers Day

I've been having pill issues and I've had to change my brand. However, we had to wait a whole month before I could start the other prescription. This put Brandon and I into what I like to refer to as the "Scare Zone".
* My horoscope said I would get pregnant this month if I wanted to, nice to know.
* A client specifically called to let me know I am "Getting thick" and "full in the face" and wanted to know when my "little one" would be arriving.
* The very next day another client called to ask me when I was going to have a baby.
* A month prior a woman at a party asked me when I was due.
The universe is telling me something. However, it is time for everyone to calm down. With all of this "thick" talk I have started to become borderline- eating disorder-girl. OK, I take that back, I've always been borderline- eating disorder- girl, but now I really mean it! Scare Zone really started to get freaky when my monthly friend didn't show up on time.
Three days later, no friend.
NO FRIEND!!! CRAP! Lets just say I'm not above playing a game called "It's just the tip" so we're in trouble...
I started to think to myself, if this is whats going to happen, better accept it and be happy.
Yeah, Happy! Happy me!
I google : Pregnancy and Marathons (believe it or not, it's o.k.)
What to expect when your expecting ( Apparently I'm five weeks pregnant based on my last period.)
Chinese gender calendar (I'm having a girl. Scientifically based on my age and month of conception. Also good to know)
I even take an online test regarding my current symptoms and I have a 40% chance of being pregnant. (Good enough for me. You would think the 40% would have tipped me off, but I was crazed.)

I really was convinced I was pregnant and to my surprise, I was happy. Elated even. It felt good. I even thought to myself " I feel great, I'm going to be one of those people who feels great during pregnancy." I love feeling great, pregnant me. I even plotted on the calendar all of the trips we are taking this year and there was no interference. No problems. We will just buy a house and start our family. Plans change and it is ok. I start to cry a little because I'm so excited about "our family" "Our baby" "Our happy new life"
Did I just feel a kick? A little kick, sweet delighted little baby in my belly, kicking me at work. How much happier can I be?
I bought a pregnancy test, just to certify what I already know..........

Not pregnant....

Must be broken. Drink a coke, take another test...

NOT PREGNANT!

I start to cry. Brandon was in San Francisco at a meeting all day and wouldn't be home until later. I don't know why I was so overwhelmed so quickly. We are in no position to have a baby.
I have never fallen in love so quickly, been so protective so quickly, felt so important so quickly. So happy.
For six whole hours I was a mama and it felt great....
I told Brandon I was being so silly as I sobbed about the days events.
"Your not silly."
Happy Mothers Day.
Please stop asking if I'm pregnant, it's starting to break my heart.