I have decided to start to train for a triathlon. I know your thinking: My god why? Well, it is because I have not embarrassed myself enough in San Diego and I have found a new opportunity to do so. Why not? Lets remember who we are dealing with here. It's still me. I still go to bed thinking I'm going to be an overnight sensation in everything. Makes for fantastic dreams and a bizarre reality.
I bought a used bike from a girlfriend at work. She gave me a great deal on it and I love, love, love it as if it were from my womb. It is a Giant compact aluminum frame with a carbon fork and Uletegra components. Translation: So F'in cool! I call it: my precious.
I have also started swimming which I really love and I actually got a lesson from a for real pro swimmer (Lizard). Thank you! I feel like I am doing well after her coaching. I am a member of the local Jewish Community Center, which has a great pool. When speaking with the "new memberships" girl, I whispered to her "I'm not Jewish." She said "We'll still let you in, we don't persecute based on religion." Sincerely took me a minute to grasp what she was saying.
I went to buy a bathing suit for swimming with a purpose. I put with a purpose because I have plenty of bathing suits but their only purpose is to be worn underneath my clothing or when drunk, by themselves. If I am drunk and I start to disrobe, save yourself. I repeat save yourself and pray I remembered the bathing suit. If you have ever seen a racing suit it has absolutely no support built in. Bad news for Sara. I thought however this wouldn't be an issue for me (remember delusional). I struggled to get it on number one, number two my boobs were smashed down against my belly button. I looked nine months pregnant. I swear to god. I can't even make this up. It was the first time I was flat chested and had a beer gut! It was suggested that I wear a sports bra or just a plain bra underneath my racing suit and I almost burst into tears. I REFUSE! People would talk about me mercilessly. I believe the words "she's special" might even be used if I wear a bra under my bathing suit. Can you even imagine a giant Playex 18 hour, wet? No way.
I started this week by riding my bike to and home from work. It is a very nice gradual uphill to work and downhill home. Remember I'm used to a tank beach cruiser to run errands with on the weekends and I foolishly tried to run to blockbuster with my road bike. NO GOOD. No basket. I had to stick the movie under my boob. Third hand. I won't name names, but some of you know what I'm talking about. If you need a pen and there is nothing in my hands and one suddenly appears. Ask yourself the question, am I comfortable with Sara's boob sweat? I told a girl at work I tried to run to blockbuster and the movie and blah, blah... she looked at me oddly and said, "I've never heard of that before" Naturally I think shes talking about riding the bike around town and not for training. The next time I saw her she looked at me oddly and it dawned on me that she must be freaked I stuck a movie in my boob for safe keeping. They don't do tricks guys, but sometimes you need an extra hand and there it is. Attached to my body. They can't perform surgery or do a jig but they hold things just fine.
Anyway, so I've been riding to work and it's really fun. I put my suit and all of my junk for the day in a messenger bag and go. I have to leave at 5:30 am to get there in enough time to clean up, but it's worth it.
I am scared of the cars in the morning. I never pay attention when I'm in my car. To combat crazy drivers I stuck a big button my my bag that proudly states:
You can't hit someone that hearts being awesome. Period. A nice boy yelled something out if his car window today, I can only assume he was agreeing with my cool button.
I'm sure there will be more to talk about later.................
No comments:
Post a Comment